9 weeks in…

 

And the results are in, week 9 weigh was minus 3 lbs meaning in 9 weeks I have lost 1.5 stone, its official! 21 lbs down, only 119 to go and honestly that number used to scare me but it doesn’t any more. I am making progress, good progress and if I can do that in 9 weeks, what can I do by Christmas, or by my birthday in June? I’m excited to see how far I can go.

I’m also happy to admit that my fear of time that I explored before has lessened and I find myself worrying less and stressing less and going with the flow a lot easier than I had previously. I am loosening the reins on being totally 100% syn free all of the time and allowing myself to add things and sauces that I previously hadn’t and I’m still seeing the results I want.

I do still check all syn values but as long as I am within my limit and it genuinely adds something to the dinner or lunch or whatever then I am happy to use those couple of syns to make it better. By allowing myself to do this I am enjoying myself a lot more, for example for dinner last night I made a DIY KFC Zinger burger with chips and I used a roll, some cheese and the best yet: heatwave Doritos and how many syns was in it?! 2827801_2

I’m sorry but I feel like the massive two was very relevant and needed to show you how excited I am and will continue to be about this discovery. My challenge is now to start creating my own recipes and ideas for things I want like crisps so tonight will be an experiment with countless potatoes, a bottle of fry light and various seasonings.

I will let you know the outcome next week.

On top of this I am trying not to let this diet (or should I say new healthy lifestyle) dictate my life and what I can and can’t do and this has been something with I have struggled with for a long time, I’m either all in and 100% on plan, no cheat meals, no snacks, no drinks – nothing or I’m partly in and get in a never ending cycle of thinking a few things here and there wouldn’t be bad and not admitting that it wasn’t a small amount, it was actually quite a lot. But now I’ve found a happy medium and I am more comfortable in myself because of these things.

Losing what I have so far has helped me be more confident and more comfortable doing things I wouldn’t normally do and wear clothes I would have never thought to wear. I like it and I am excited to see what I will be able to do but I’m not worried about the time. It will happen when it happens and that no longer scares me, three cheers for sensibility.

 

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It’s okay to not be okay

Week 8 weight in last night, 1 lb on.

Not the end of the world but I’m still kicking myself slightly but sometimes life gets in the way, but I’ll say it again this gain doesn’t take away all my progress so far.

Here’s a wee run down on how I’ve been going from the beginning;

Capture

When I see it in front of me like this it highlights how well I’ve done, not to blow my own trumpet or anything. I’ve not been feeling the greatest this past week and that’s had a knock on effect to how well I’m doing with the weight loss. My cold is coming back, I’ve had really bad stomach pains and some pretty sore headaches and getting up for the gym is hard enough without feeling rubbish and freezing (goodbye summer).

As much as I feel like going on a binge because I’m sad I gained weight (we all do it) and I’m disappointed in myself for not going to the gym anyway. I know I can make up for it next week but I know that if I continued to go to the gym and ignore my body, I’d probably be in an even worse place this week but it gives you perspective.

Reality is I won’t always 100% stick to plan because losing weight is hard, controlling every aspect of your diet is hard, not having a cheat day and cutting out drinking is H A R D, but I can say that but I can also say I will try my absolute hardest to get where I want to be. I will push myself harder in order to become who I know I can be because now is the best time. Don’t get me wrong, I will feel down and I will get upset but I will not let those fleeting feelings ruin my progress and stop me from being where I want to be and you shouldn’t either.

Losing weight is a hard journey for everyone so it’s expected that sometimes you don’t feel in peak condition and want to eat everything in sight because I know I do. It’s okay to get that way, talk to someone and if you can’t, feel free to leave a comment and I can do what I can. I am always trying to look on the bright side and imagine how I’ll feel when I lose another stone, two stone and more because right now I know I am overweight but now I know that won’t always be the case.

2 months in and 1 stone 4 lbs are gone for good, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried but most importantly? I’ve done it.

It’s okay to not be okay, just remember to carry on when you do.

Time passes anyway, so why not?

So, my week 7 weigh in was last night and it’s more good news, 1.5 lbs off meaning I’ve now lost a total of 19lbs in 7 weeks. I know, I didn’t expect to have lost this much either.

I had seen a quote last week which has really stuck in my head while carrying on:

Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. Time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.’

Something about this quote really resonated with some part of me because as I said my biggest fear is the amount of time losing weight will take and this kind of just spelled it out. Time will pass regardless of what we chose to do with it, so do your best in that time and I’m trying to.

I’m still finding myself getting into my head a lot and being disappointed that even though I lost; I didn’t lose enough and that’s a horrible way to go about life. I know that but does it completely stop the negative? NO. I need to admit to myself that I am doing a bloody good job at the moment and live in the moment and be happy with my achievements but I know I’m not the only one that loses sight of this sometimes.

I am losing on average 2.7 lbs a week, that’s insane. If I kept up that momentum I will have lost 3 stone 4 lbs by Christmas week and that is mental, completely. I have just over 6 weeks until I go on holiday and I want to be another stone lighter, big expectations? Probably but because I want it I will do it (hopefully). So watch this space.

So since the last post, I have tried to improve my morning/night routine and it’s slowly getting there. I’m buying the SW meals from Iceland when I know I’m not that motivated the night before and when I’m making dinner, I just double up the recipe so there is something sitting there for the next day. Getting up at 5:45am is still a challenge and probably always will be, I’m a night owl/lazy git but baby steps! I’m still going, it’s a struggle but the point is that I’m doing it no matter how moody or moany I am.

Be strong, be confident and do what you can do because at the end of the day you need to be comfortable with your own progress and do things at your own speed and there is absolutely no issue with you or me doing things at our own pace and doing things we feel comfortable with. For example, yes I am going to the gym but if I go on a treadmill will I run? You best believe I will not. I don’t feel comfortable with all my bits wobbling all over while I run and I probably won’t for a while to come, but as long as I put the effort in other exercises this if fine.

Do what you can, be comfortable in your own skin and don’t worry. Time will pass regardless; just try to do your best with it.

There is no such things as work life balance

Maybe you don’t agree with the above but I feel like I’m constantly chasing my tail to get everything done. I work full time, Monday to Friday 08:30 to 16:30 and I find it really hard to find the right balance.

3 days a week I wake up at 5:45 and go to the gym (or I try really hard to), then I’m back for 7, in the shower and off to work for 7:50, while trying to make my lunch for the day for myself and Ross (boyfriend), maybe iron a shirt and off I go. It’s a busy morning sometimes and when I’m running late it’s worse.

My anxiety for being late to work is currently overshadowed by the need to ensure I have something for lunch which is not only on plan, but enough to see me through the rest of the afternoon so I’m not tempted to snack on anything from the vending machine or from the table of treats where the tea and coffee sits. It’s a juggle everyday and I manage to make it in by the skin of my teeth but if I can get a loss on the scales that week? Worth it.

But that’s my problem, I probably should care more about how everything is squished into the morning but I don’t want to be making lunches the night before because all I want to do is curl on the sofa watching tv or reading my book, not in the kitchen cooking my 1000th pot of pasta or trying to figure what meat to have first because I’m sure one of them will be out of date by tomorrow.

I keep thinking that the longer I go on SW then surely I will get to a point where everything will into place, and I will get myself into a routine where I’m not running around chasing myself to make sure everything is done and maybe that point will come but I need to remind myself not to let other parts of the day impact how I get on with my relationship to food.

Stressful day at work? No, I do not need a takeaway to tackle it. Get to work and it starts pouring and that was the one day you forget your jacket and your wearing small slip on shoes? No, I don’t need to get a sweet from the vending machine. I get that, it just takes a while to realise that feelings are not a direct line to eating. They’re just not. It’s all in the mind, maybe just my mind but it’s still there.

I get home around 5 then usually straight out to the shops to pick up anything we need for the next day, back for dinner and watch tv and so on then the loop starts again. By the time I get home I don’t want to cook, I just don’t. Dinner has to be made; plates need to be cleaned and put away, but does lunch for the next day need to be made at that point? It would be easier.

I suppose I need to push myself to do more or maybe just be more efficient with my time but you know what, sometimes I can’t be bothered (okay, most of the time). Don’t get me wrong, I may moan and I may even cry but I don’t ever regret beginning the whole process but I am only 6 weeks in so I think I need to refine my routine and get more comfortable with doing things before to make the next day easier to deal with.

With most things in life it’s all about preparation and i find the 3 P’s fitting for doing SW;

Preparation
Prevention
Protection

Prepare everything before hand as much as you can to prevent yourself from snacking and picking up easier meals and protect yourself from gaining hunners of weight. Good in theory, now to put it into practice.

It’s sometimes easier than you think

Two posts in two days; I wonder how long that will last?

I had and still have two fears when it comes to losing weight (there’s probably more but I’ll try to keep it light) and I touched on those in my first post;

1 – The length of time it will take (because surely this will take years of struggle and hard work)

2 – The indefinite amount of time I will have to sacrifice what I truly want to eat (hello, pizza) and eat like a rabbit and be miserable.

In the scheme of things I know these are probably silly fears to have but they are there and I can’t help myself from thinking it but I can try to adapt how I go about it so I’m losing weight eating (mostly) what I want and doing it in a set time frame. This is sometimes easier said than done.

I’m heavy, I know I am but I feel that my body shape doesn’t really reflect how heavy I actually am, you know? Skinny on the inside, fat on the outside and it was hard for me to accept that maybe I did look my weight. Seems small in comparison to other things going on in the world but if you’re like me and are overweight (I’m not going to use the term obese because although it may be correct it’s just a horrible word, like the word moist, it’s just not needed) it’s the small thoughts here and there, the odd comment about how you’re looking and realising the top that used to fit perfect now stretches cross your tummy in a bad way that kicks you when you’re feeling up or down. I stress eat, I emotionally eat, I eat to celebrate and pretty much every other occasion but I know I’m not the only one, but because I’m not the only one doesn’t make it right. I know that, but does it stop me? Sometimes.

I think it’s become a given, someone’s birthday? Family meal out. Graduation? Dinner and drinks. Catching up with old pals? Dinner and drinks (predominately drinking though) but you get what I’m saying. Most social situations in my life involve food and that’s not my fault, it’s not my friends and family’s fault, it’s just the way it is, but should it be? Start a revolution; make a change, that birthday coming up? I don’t want to go for a meal, I want to go mini-golfing, I want to go paint balling, hell I even want to go to the bingo but we shouldn’t be limited or scared to go out to eat. We shouldn’t, there are healthier options available, and chilli is always a go to for me because rice on Slimming World is free (yay).

My point being we shouldn’t have to limit ourselves because we are trying to lose weight, we shouldn’t have to miss out on special occasions or celebrations. There are always alternatives or a cheeky wee cheat night, that’s fine as long as it doesn’t impact the rest of your week. I’m trying this and I’m not completely cutting myself off from things I like, and I’m actually making home cooked meals now, getting up at 5.45am 3 days a week to go to the gym and I even bought a hoola hoop (spur of the moment but I am determined to master it).

I’ve discovered that my original fears are worse than the reality of what I’m doing. I’m enjoying it and 6 weeks after beginning and losing 17.5 lbs, do I regret not getting that takeaway or drinking less on a night out? hell no, I feel so much better and I need to remember this feeling going forward because I will get down, I will get sad and I will question why I’m even bothering but we can do it.

Now or Never

 Hello, my name is Carolyn, I’m 23 and I need to lose weight. I know this isn’t an AA meeting or anything but this seemed like the appropriate opener for the first post.

I am trying to lose 10 stone (140 pounds/63kgs) and it’s a lot so I thought I’d maybe start up something where I could share my feelings, the journey and for myself – track the progress and see the reasons for doing all of this.

I’ve always been on the heavier side and I have tried pretty much every diet but they were useless because I wasn’t at a point in my life where I seen my weight as a problem and when you’re dieting for others it doesn’t have the same effect- or maybe that’s just me. I needed to be the one that wanted it, no one else and at 23 I’ve finally reached that point. I need to lose weight but more importantly, I want to lose weight which tends to make things slightly easier. It’s still hard though, I know that. It has been and will continue to be hard work but that’s fine. I KNOW that and I accept that.

I started Slimming World on Wednesday 22nd August 2018 (6 weeks ago) and I think that date will forever be burned in my mind. I had no intention of going until the day before but I had quite an emotional and eye opening conversation with my mum on the Monday before. I cried, she told me to stop and laughed, you know the usual, but it was things that needed to be said and helped me to get into the mind frame I’m in now. So I thank her for that and her continued support as she has been dragged to every meeting since and is now a paying member. Apart from my boyfriend, my mum is my best friend, we have been through so much together (but that’s several stories for another time).

In the first week I lost 6.5 lbs (nearly 3kg) and it made me think, one of the things that scared me most about losing weight was the time it would take (I know, that’s stupid but a real fear) but if I could do that a week why did it take me so long to get to this point to just do it? Realistically I know I won’t lose that every week but it did give me hope. In the second week I lost 1.5 lbs and week 3 I was minus a further 2.5 lbs (so after 3 weeks I had lost 10.5 lbs and I was and still am proud of that). The week after I lost another 4lbs (total 14.5 lbs after 4 weeks) and for some reason, the day after my weight in my mood just dropped. I felt so down on myself and felt I wasn’t doing good enough.

Nothing in my numbers triggered my mood, I had lost every week but I think I lost sight of the end goal, you know? 4 weeks in and I had lost a stone, I should’ve be jumping around and incredibly happy but I wasn’t, all I could think was ‘yeah okay a stone that’s great, but it’s not enough.’ That’s poison to me. As soon as I get in my own head saying those things it starts to fall apart and I don’t know why, maybe it’s a decade of trying and failing to lose weight. The 5th week I gained half a pound and I expected worse, I knew it was coming and I had been waiting for a week where I put on weight but that’s nothing in the grand scheme of things, lets be honest.

I’m trying to take a new positive approach and I’ve set my self a weekly target of 3 lbs (slightly ambitious but I have to try) and week 6 just hit yesterday and I LOST 3.5 LBS. So I have proven to myself that I can do it, I just need to commit.

But does it scare anyone else to know you have to limit or stop yourself from having things you enjoy for an indefinite period of time? Hopefully not just me. I’m in this for the long run, as they say it’s not a diet, it’s a way of life and I am trying my hardest.

I know this is one looooong post, but they wont all be like this, or maybe they will, who knows? If you are going through this too and can give me any helpful hints or just want to tell me your story and progress, get in touch. We don’t have to do these things alone and in a world where people are arguing over promoting obesity vs body acceptance and all the other stuff, we could all use some support and I’m here if anyone needs that (probably not because no one will read this).

Until the next one, gooooodbye.